be it a joke or a random comment, certain words hurt. 

you know that. 

First of June.

its first june. 

i'll start afresh. and prove i was not the wrong choice in your life. 

i really want to make you happy. 

i control and put things off, bc i rly want to just focus on you. is it too much pressure on you? 

i'm really sorry. but i really am just as into you as before. i love you. 

and i genuinely want to be better. right now. 

i want to forget those stupid little shits. bc i'm not fine at all. really not fine at all. 

bc i really need you. more than i ever expect, more than you realise. 

i didnt know i would walk into love this easily, i didnt know this walk led me to be this deep into and towards you. 

shits happen.  

i bet all i have on this last chance. i dont know how i will do. but all i know, i never and i can never lose you again. 

bc i can never take it. never. 

actions that are different before, i kill to hope things will be fine again. 

because your smile melt every ounce of me. 

because even my anger can never last towards you. 

i wish i can wake up with amnesia, so i could forget all the shit, and all my thoughts, that kills you, and kills me too. 

i need you everyday, not just weekdays, not just when i'm awake. 

but i need you always. sleeping, weekends, 24/7. i dont expect you to be on your phone talking to me 24/7. i know we need time to do our own things, but i hope it doesnt lead to ignores, nor that its ok to not be there. 

because it is not ok, even if it seems alright. 

iloveyou, and i dont know why i do, so deeply. 

but its YOU. 

i'm not done loving you. dont give up on me. 

i've never reflected as much as last night..

unspoken emotions.

fuck everything. you them him attention seeking fuckers trying get attention.

the outburst surge of hate grinding on my teeth. to hell with douglas lim. best friends. fuck best friend logic. fuck excuses. fuck shit. fuck love. fuck losing myself my sanity.

fuck everything.